When a loved one is in the hospital, you want to encourage them and make their experience more pleasant, but what can you do?
Research suggests that a comfortable environment, such as one with reduced noise and homey touches, can affect a patient’s sense of well-being. Even small touches can make a big difference, like a comfy eye mask, unscented hand cream, lip balm and photos of pets. Just be sure to run any big plans by your loved one’s care team.
The chaplains at Adventist Health are trained to care for the spiritual and emotional needs of patients in varied situations. Wes Welch, Adventist Health Columbia Gorge staff chaplain, and J. Murdock, Adventist Health Clear Lake senior chaplain, offer these tips for providing comfort in just the right dose.
Let your honest curiosity lead. “A carefully chosen, genuine, open-ended question will be more effective than a comment such as, ‘You must be feeling really sad right now,’” said Murdock. Instead, try asking questions such as, “How are you feeling right now?” This shows you care and leaves space for an honest response.
“Having a better understanding of what your loved one is feeling can help you determine how best to provide care moving forward,” said Murdock.
When in doubt, say less. “Go and just be,” said Welch. “In the book of Job, his friends started off doing very well. They showed up and were just with him. It was when they started talking and giving all their opinions on the matter that they went terribly astray.” Just sitting with your friend in silence can be the best approach.
Not every thought, feeling or comment calls for a response. “You might be just the right person to let your loved one think aloud, judgment-free, and get their feelings out,” said Murdock. “Despite the pressure you may feel to do otherwise, say less and listen more.”
Don’t fall back on cliches. “When we don’t know what to say in hospitals or in bad situations, we sometimes fall back on things like, ‘It’s all in God’s plans,’’’ said Welch. “While the message is meant to be one of hope that God has control, it can put causality on God when often, in a world of sin, it doesn’t belong.”
Put your oxygen mask on first. Just like the rules for an airplane emergency, make sure you are secure in your own emotions before trying to help others with theirs.
“People going through medical emergencies can be angry, sad, distraught or any combination of big emotions. They may act completely out of character. Do your best not to take something they say personally and give them space to express what might be hard to hear,” said Welch. If you’re overwhelmed by their emotions, you may need to ask someone more equipped to lend an ear.
