Editor’s Note: Isabella Millen, a teen author from the Pacific Northwest, was invited to share a perspective piece on a topic that matters to her and her peers. In this essay, she reflects on facing fears and anxiety, showing how faith and perseverance can help navigate life’s challenges.
What happened? Lucy wondered. Her class had ended, but she couldn’t remember anything from it. Lucy was too busy thinking about all the homework she still needed to finish, which she hadn’t done the night before because her mind was elsewhere.
She was sleep-deprived and overwhelmed. Lucy had a lot going on.
As a junior in boarding academy, she had a full workload that included assignments, tests, work and concerts. Concerts … Lucy loved singing in her choir and she had been excited to perform, until now.
Now that the first concert was only a few weeks away, she felt the pressure and wanted so desperately not to have to do it. No one placed any pressure on her, except herself.
Lucy was stressed with everything she needed to have completed in the few days before her concert, and she started to have thoughts — not happy thoughts. These were scary thoughts for Lucy. She began to have serious thoughts of being sick.
No matter what she did, she couldn’t get the thoughts to leave her. She had nightmares of being sick; she washed her hands excessively so she wouldn’t be sick. It even got to the point where she couldn’t follow a conversation because she was so worried about getting sick. Fear paralyzed her.
If I get sick, I might get other people sick, Lucy thought. If I get other people sick, they won’t be able to do the concert, and it will all be my fault. I need to stay healthy; I can’t get sick. I’m going to ruin everything. Everyone will be mad at me.
Thoughts like these plagued Lucy’s mind. She cried herself to sleep almost every night because she didn’t want to get sick. Deep down inside, Lucy knew her thoughts were irrational, but as much as she tried, she couldn’t get the thoughts to leave her.
After some long days and sleepless nights — and not being able to pay attention in class — Lucy decided to call her dad. Her dad always made her feel better. He’ll tell me that I’m fine and I won’t be sick, Lucy thought as she made the phone call to her dad.
“Hi Dad,” she said when he answered, “I’m really scared I’m going to get sick before the concert and everyone will be mad at me. I’m going to be OK, right? Do you think I’ll be OK?”
She poured out her heart to her dad.
“Lucy,” her dad said, “what you’re experiencing is OCD. Telling you that you’ll be OK would make you feel better short term, but it will only make you feel worse in the long run.”
“What’s OCD?” Lucy asked.
“OCD stands for obsessive-compulsive disorder. While I obviously can’t diagnose you, you’re experiencing similar symptoms. You have intrusive thoughts about getting sick, and you have them over and over again. These are called obsessions. You mentioned that you wash your hands excessively to make sure you stay healthy. These are called compulsions,” her dad said.
“How do I make the thoughts go away?” Lucy asked.
“It may seem a little crazy,” her dad said, “but the best way to make your intrusive thoughts go away is to think about them in detail. They get stronger when you push them away. And try not to wash your hands as much as you do. The compulsions play a big part in fueling your anxiety.”
Her dad continued, “Lucy, at the end of the day, if you get sick, what will happen? Sure, some people might be annoyed, but your real friends won’t be. And if you get sick, you’ll get through it. You’ve gotten through every other hard thing before this, and you’ll get through this, too. It can be easy to only see what’s in front of you. Instead of reassuring yourself, tell yourself that it’s not the end of the world if you get sick.”
“That sounds really hard,” Lucy said.
“It will be,” her dad replied, “but the good news is Jesus is going to be with you every step of the way. Let’s pray and ask Him to help you. Dear Jesus, You know Lucy is really struggling right now. Please help her to know You’re always there for her. Please help her accept her intrusive thoughts and help her to get better. In Your name, Amen.”
“Amen,” Lucy said, and paused for a moment. “I’m going to do my best to do what you said. I know with Jesus I can do it.”
Lucy ended the phone call with her dad, determined that she wasn’t going to let her intrusive thoughts win. It was extremely hard for her to not wash her hands more than she needed to, but slowly she began to drop that compulsion.
The hardest part was to stop seeking reassurance that she wouldn’t get sick. Every time she had an intrusive thought, instead of telling herself she would be OK, she would tell herself that she might get sick but it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Lucy was doing a lot better until she didn’t feel quite so good. She immediately began panicking to the point of tears.
This can’t be happening, Lucy thought. I can’t get sick, I just can’t. Wait, but wasn’t this all what I was telling myself? I might get sick, but if I am, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll get through it with the help of Jesus. Dear Jesus, please help me know that if I’m sick it’s not the end of the world. Help me through this. Amen.
As the day went on, Lucy only felt worse. One of her deans came up to her during lunch and told her it was best if she went back to the dorm for the rest of the day. Lucy was very sick.
When her friends found out that she was sick only a few days before the concert, some were really upset. But Lucy’s close friends were understanding and helped her get better. Lucy improved over the next few days. Lucy was able to perform in her concert.
She learned some valuable lessons during the few weeks leading up to her performance. She learned that it was OK to be sick. Up until now, Lucy had believed that if she was sick, bad things would happen to her and people would be mad.
In Lucy’s mind, being sick was a terrible fear for her. But she got sick. Her worst fear had happened. She realized that it wasn’t as bad as her mind made it seem. Even though some people were mad and she didn’t feel good, she realized that it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Once she faced the fear of being sick, she knew she could handle it, with God’s help.
Today in our world, there are so many fears. It can be really scary to face something that absolutely terrifies us. We may not have OCD or symptoms of OCD, but we all have a little bit of anxiety and it can seem like we can’t get past the fears we have.
The good news is we don’t have to face fear alone. We have Jesus, our Forever Friend, walking right beside us, helping us each step of the way.
It can be overwhelming to face fears on our own, but Jesus promised to never leave us. This is where faith comes in. Trusting Jesus will always be with us.
If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety or facing fears, you are not alone. Even if you feel like nobody understands, Jesus does. He is always with you and always working for your good. It can be hard to see sometimes, but He promises to never leave us.
Rom. 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."
Whether you see it right now or not, God is working in your life. He can take anything and use it for your good.
