Editorial note: We’re grateful to share this story in the author’s own words.
As the plane touched down in Northern India, I peered out the window; it was exciting to meet new people and see new places. But as my family and I stepped off the plane, I was no longer excited.
Piles of trash littered the streets. The air felt humid, and sweat ran down my forehead. I plugged my nose as a terrible smell greeted me. Horns honked constantly, and a man shouted orders at another man in a language I didn’t understand.
People walked around with red dots on their foreheads. Small shops with peeling paint and barred windows lined the streets. Dogs, cows and chickens wandered aimlessly along the roadside.
Soon we were riding in a small three-wheeled taxi called a rickshaw, dodging left and right around buses and people. I gripped the metal bar in front of me for fear I would fall out of the open sides as we were flung from side to side.
I'd been living in the northwest U.S. for my entire life, and now everything was unfamiliar to me. Who was I? "I would have to become like Indians in order to fit in," I told myself. However, fitting in was not as easy as I thought when my family and I were the only foreigners for miles around. I convinced my mom to get me some Indian clothes and it didn’t take long for me to start picking up the language and begin making friends. But I was still a foreigner. We were there for a year, and in that time, God strengthened my identity in Him and taught me to be comfortable being “different.”
We had to return to the U.S. unexpectedly. Stepping off the plane, I was surprised to see how beautiful and clean everything was. I realized that the experiences I had while living in India were ones my friends had not experienced. I wanted to share what I had experienced, but would they understand? They hadn’t seen beggars, mangy street dogs or how much a little food could mean to a crippled boy. Again, I wanted to fit in, but what could I say? They wanted to talk about the latest fashion or the newest iPhone.
I was different when I went to India and different when I came back to the U.S. I realized that no matter where I went, I would be different. In order to change my world-based identity into a Christ-based identity, I must first die to self.
In 2023, I started struggling with my health. This forced me to stop doing many of the things I enjoyed and slow down. As the months went by, it seemed to get worse. I found myself becoming more fearful, selfish and insecure than ever before. The doctor couldn’t figure out why I was hurting. Everything became so much harder: horseback riding, hiking and all the other outdoor things I enjoyed. Again, I had lost my identity.
One day, my physical therapist recommended I get an MRI, just to see if there were any torn soft tissues. I was lying on the table about to go into the MRI machine when I heard a voice in my head say, “It’s a tumor.” I was shocked. Where had this voice come from? Throughout the whole procedure, that thought kept coming back into my head.
When it was over, the doctor came in and said, “You have a tumor.” Soon the day of the surgery arrived, and I was so excited to have the tumor taken out. The doctor had warned me that if the tumor was cancerous, they would not be able to remove it that day.
Later after surgery, my mom said that the tumor looked too much like cancer, so they did not take it out. The doctor stated it would take two to four weeks to get the results from the biopsy.
My world seemed to be falling apart. A few days later, our pastor came to anoint me and I started to realize just how hopeless my situation was. Turning to God was the only thing I could do, so I told God if it was my time to die, I was ready. I was filled with peace like I had never felt before. A few hours later, we received a phone call from the doctor saying that the results of the biopsy showed I did not have cancer.
I decided to apply to Fountainview Academy and was accepted. The first few days there seemed easy, but as the days turned into weeks, I felt alone and asked God to show me why He had brought me to FVA. He showed me people who were struggling, and I was able to help these people. My anxiety and insecurities left and were replaced with confidence that could only come from God.
Through all these different situations, God has shown me not to base my identity on the people around me. As a child of God, my identity and value are based on my relationship with Him.
