As a parent of two teens, I think a lot about character — like many of us trying to raise good kids. Even with the best intentions, parenting is messy. Our kids are growing, and so are we.
A strong Christian character — taught and modeled — helps kids learn self-discipline and grow personally. It lays a foundation for future success and well-being. We all know there are no guarantees — but I want to give my kids every chance to grow into Christlike adults.
Many times, I’ve found encouragement in scripture and Ellen G. White’s words, which have helped guide our efforts to shape character in our kids.
Self-Discipline and Responsibility
I want my kids to have self-discipline and understand the consequences of their actions. I want them to have high emotional intelligence. I appreciate what Ellen White says about discipling our kids in an atmosphere of love.
"Children will be happier, far happier, under proper discipline than if left to do as their unrestrained impulses suggest ... Above all things, parents should surround their children with an atmosphere of cheerfulness, courtesy and love” (Counsels to Parents, Teachers and Students, p. 113, 115).
“Be what you wish your children to be. Parents have perpetuated by precept and example their own stamp of character to their posterity” (Child Guidance, p. 278).
Heb. 12:11 tells us, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
Personal Growth
We must show our kids what Christ-like character looks like, too. We can model right behaviors for our children in our words and actions toward them and others. With patience and love, we can help them in the development of their character.
"Every word spoken by fathers and mothers has its influence over the children, for good or for evil” (The Adventist Home, p. 434).
"Every effort made for them with kindness and self-control will cultivate in their characters the elements of firmness and decision" (The Adventist Home, p. 320).
2 Peter 3:18 tells us, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.”
Future Success
We are seeking to raise good adults in the Long home. Adults who do good in this world for God’s kingdom and who choose to follow Jesus. That’s the whole point, right? Love — real and true love for God and others.
“What is the great aim and object of their education? Is it to fit them for life and its duties, to qualify them to take an honorable position in the world, to do good, to benefit their fellow beings, to gain eventually the reward of the righteousness? If so, then the first lesson to be taught them is self-control, for no undisciplined, headstrong person can hope for success in this world or reward in the next” (Child Guidance, p. 91).
Prayer, Love and Faith
Pray for all of us navigating parenting — it's not for cowards! Satan doesn't take days off. Loving and discipling our kids must go hand in hand. Parents, keep that balance. We all need both.
“Love has a twin sister, which is duty. Love and duty stand side by side. Love exercised while duty is neglected will make children headstrong, willful, perverse, selfish and disobedient. If stern duty is left to stand alone without love to soften and win, it will have a similar result. Duty and love must be blended in order that children may be properly disciplined” (Child Guidance, p. 258).
Let’s cling to this verse in Phil. 1:6, “And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
