After being home-schooled for 10 years, I enrolled at Milo Adventist Academy. My spiritual life was at an all-time low. I felt empty and yearned for a closeness with God. In Sabbath School we were given a project to write a letter to God, so I wrote,
God, I don’t know if You’re even there, but if You are, You and I probably aren’t on the best of terms. I’m not even sure I want to change. But I know I don’t like where I’m at right now. Sometimes I wonder if You’re there. If You are, show me. Otherwise, I’ll keep going the way I am.
I wrote that letter, stuck it in the pocket of my suitcoat, and forgot about it. About a month later we started Fall Week of Prayer. I expected the meetings to be a waste of time, but I was surprised. The meetings filled my need for love and showed me how I needed God in my life.
Slowly, I started wrestling with my feelings. I had the common misconception that I had to make myself perfect before I could come to God. On Friday night, Pastor Carl invited people to share their stories. I wanted to share, but the devil was there, reminding me of my past and of all of the reasons he “owned” me.
I prayed, seeking strength from God, and then stood up and shared my story. I sobbed uncontrollably for several minutes as I tried to collect my words and express them. My friends and Milo “family” surrounded me. Such a love I had never felt. It filled me to the brim and ran over in tears of joy. I was on the right path now.
From that time on, I was filled with a joy and zeal for good. Even though I still mess up, God has shown me that perfection is a process that will be completed in heaven. He is still willing to work with me and loves me unconditionally. This is the love that Jesus showed by dying for each one of us on the cross. “In that, while we were still sinners, Christ loved us” Romans 5:8 (my paraphrase).
Tonight, I found that letter I wrote a few months ago in Sabbath School, and it inspired me to write this account of what God has done for me. Many thanks to my friends and the loving staff at Milo who God used to help change one man for the better.
Brian Baker came to Milo after it was recommended to him by others from his hometown in Fortuna, Calif. A year after this experience, he continues to be a spiritual leader at the school.
